-7 and new hair :P

A New me................. I am down 7lbs:D  thats a start! and I am starting to feel a lil better about myself.......I also went and cut about 6in off my hair and I am starting to feel like a new person!  
However this past week has been a bad week for me! I have really been having a hard time with life.....I feel like I am at a strange point of my life and I am not sure how to fix it...I feel like I need to make major changes but not sure how.... It is almost like I woke up and I had no idea how my life got to the point it was at........sometimes I sit back and think about all the things I would do different but then i remind myself that all these things made me stronger and maybe redoing them would make my life even more crazy! I am not really sure that any of this even makes sense but it makes sense in my mind lol!   now that i have rambled I am going to go get ready for bed I am soo tired and cant seem to sleep at night :( untill my next random thought!

My weekend!

My Weekend.........So Ricky and I had been going back and forth on the topic of me going away for a few days.......he told me to go and I said I wasnt sure if it was a good thing to go..........I knew that at the point I am at with my life right now getting away might be best but could also do harm.........after back and forth and back and forth I went.......And I enjoyed myself....... I slept when I wanted to.....I ate when I wanted to....I shopped when and where I wanted to......I even Jumped on the bed.....But like I feared I started thinking about Life and how easy this was right now at this moment......I dont ever really remember a time in my life being that fun or easy........I guess Having a baby at 17/18 will do that to ya! I am not saying I regret having any of my kids, but what I am saying is it has changed my life in a way i am not sure I was ready for......I missed out on a lot of the fun stuff..........and part of me hates that I missed it!  So while i was alone this weekend I tried to think of the good having the kids brought.......Alexia saved me put my life on track....Kayla pulled my marriage back together...and Hunter made me smile after a dark time in my life....... but still even with this I feel so mad I feel so mad that I have never had a chance to just be me! I have been so busy being a young mom...a single mom.....a wife......a new mom again........So busy making sure that everyone is happy everyone but myself....I dont really know how to fix these feelings.....and part of myself hates that I even feel this way.......I do think getting away for a few days ended up helping because it opened my eyes to what I want! So with that being said I think another weekend trip will happen again one day! as for now I am going to look at how I can better my life! 

*Bekah*

Today seems to be one of my harder days.......I just want to scream.....I feel like I have so much going on and not enough time or energy to get it all done.... ok so my mind is all over the place tonight so it might be best to try blogging again in the morning lol! 
Night !