My Weekend.........So Ricky and I had been going back and forth on the topic of me going away for a few days.......he told me to go and I said I wasnt sure if it was a good thing to go..........I knew that at the point I am at with my life right now getting away might be best but could also do harm.........after back and forth and back and forth I went.......And I enjoyed myself....... I slept when I wanted to.....I ate when I wanted to....I shopped when and where I wanted to......I even Jumped on the bed.....But like I feared I started thinking about Life and how easy this was right now at this moment......I dont ever really remember a time in my life being that fun or easy........I guess Having a baby at 17/18 will do that to ya! I am not saying I regret having any of my kids, but what I am saying is it has changed my life in a way i am not sure I was ready for......I missed out on a lot of the fun stuff..........and part of me hates that I missed it! So while i was alone this weekend I tried to think of the good having the kids brought.......Alexia saved me put my life on track....Kayla pulled my marriage back together...and Hunter made me smile after a dark time in my life....... but still even with this I feel so mad I feel so mad that I have never had a chance to just be me! I have been so busy being a young mom...a single mom.....a wife......a new mom again........So busy making sure that everyone is happy everyone but myself....I dont really know how to fix these feelings.....and part of myself hates that I even feel this way.......I do think getting away for a few days ended up helping because it opened my eyes to what I want! So with that being said I think another weekend trip will happen again one day! as for now I am going to look at how I can better my life!
I'm so glad you got some real me time! If it makes you feel any better I had David at 24 and still feel like I wish I had done more and accomplished more first...and I wish I had experienced more freedom since I was very much under my parents and aunt/uncles rules until I got married and then got pregnant soon after. I know it's not exactly the same thing, but my point is that you shouldn't feel guilty about those sort of feeling because I think most of us go through those sort of feelings in one way or another. I feel like I have learned that the key is for us to stop feeling like all we are is wives and mothers. Those are huge, very important parts of us, but not all of us...we are individuals with our own desires and dreams...and it's okay to nurture that because it makes us better all around, better for the ones we love. I'm so proud of you for taking steps to do that!!
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