I feel like I grew up so fast and missed part of my child hood....I went from one bad thing to another all I really wanted was someone to love me....I went from bad relationship to bad relationship....just looking for "love" I will never forget the day I learned about the TRUE meaning of love....Sep. 30, 2003...the day I had my first daughter.....my heart had a new feeling all of a sudden i knew what love really was i knew that I wanted to love this lil girl and keep her safe and make her life WAY better than mine was.....I really think having her SAVED me....I was headed no place fast and having her made me take a step back and do the right things in life..but with most good things come some bad... It made me so bitter towards my own mom......It made me feel like how could she do or allow some of the things she did in my life.... she was suppose to protect me and take care of me........I felt let down....... and since then I have tried to do everything i could to try and fix our relationship or so I thought ...the one thing I didn't do was forgive ...I was so busy being hurt I never took time to really forgive and heal and that is where I am at now forgiving and healing so I can have better relationships... .I love my mom to death and I know she loves me but I have to understand that our relationship will never be a story book relationship..... and I have to stop bringing that baggage into my relationships because its destroying them and making them unhealthy this has caused me to push ppl away and keep them at a distance so I don't get hurt and that is not fair to ppl... so in my journey to find myself I must remind myself not all ppl will hurt me the way i have been hurt in the past... I need to learn to be honest with ppl and how I feel... and I need to stand on my own 2feet! I am so thankful that I have a hubby who shows me real love and stands by me.. I know I have not been the best wife but he still loves me like I am... and I know our relationship sucks at times but we are making it! .I am blessed to have AMAZING extended family who love me like I am a daughter and show me daily what it means to be in love and show love and grace! so here is to learning to heal and forgive on my new journey!
. Letting go of the past and forgiveness and not letting it all affect our present relationships is one of life's greatest challenges, but good for you for recognizing the need and trying to do something about it. With Gods help, I know you can accomplish these things! Xoxo
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